I said that I was going to keep anyone interested in my recovery updated so here is an update. I’ve been on such a painful journey these last few months (as documented) and I’m finally glad to announce I’M ON THE MEND! I’ve been no contact for over 6 weeks now and she’s no longer haunting my dreams. I went through a stage of seeing her every single night. I would wake up at 3am feeling genuinely upset, get back to sleep, then wake up again at 5am having had her abuse me in my sleep again – ridiculous.
Hindsight is NOT a wonderful thing in this context. Hindsight has caused me massive amounts of pain; yes it’s necessary, but just so uncomfortable. I see what a pathetic shell of a man I allowed myself to become. Her games, inconsistencies, lies and manipulation drove me to lose sight of so many things. She was my priority, every single day, but fixing that toxic relationship should have been well down on my list. She never deserved the status in my mind because she had never earnt it.
I have talents locked away inside me, I have things I want to do, I have interests, I have books to read, podcasts to record, songs to write, webpages to develop, gym sessions to complete. Then, above all of that, I have a daughter to raise.
This truly has been a harsh lesson. I feel like the sociopath was a necessary evil sent to wake me up and refocus my mind. She’s taught me to put me first; my wants, my needs and my interests. A relationship is no longer my priority and it never will be.
In my next blog I’m going to write up and share my new life management system. It’s a set of policies and rules that will be guiding me from this day forth. I’m going to strengthen the foundations of who I am and then rebuild my life based on self-love, boundaries and new found wisdom.
Anyway – I fly to Jamaica tomorrow to fulfil my best man duties at a wedding (That’s if hurricane Matthew finally moves out of the way) so I’ll catch up with you all after that.
Have a great week and I’ll speak to you soon.