A pattern emerging

Well it certainly wasn’t third time lucky for me in the serious relationship department; although I really thought it was. I want to show you why I’m in this position, looking for a solution to an evidencable problem, confused and feeling used and betrayed again.

I’m not a professional victim. I just wanted to get that out there. I’m not heading into relationships then lying, cheating and being a general bastard and then crying out “how could you do this to me” after causing the pain myself. I’m not one of those guys. This isn’t me trying to justify some terrible behaviour. No, I’m not perfect, but the fact is I’ve chosen three genuinely troublesome females, all with similarities, and each time they have done the same things. They all walked all over me, cheated on me, lied to me and then replaced me.

It’s not easy typing this stuff. I do feel stupid. I’m a man who gets treated like a doormat and often begs for more until  I realise I’ve been replaced. That’s my boundary. As soon as I realise they’ve chosen someone over me I’m gone and I never return. You might think ‘well, that’s not a boundary, that’s them leaving you for another bloke you retard’ and yes, to some extent, you’re right, but they still seemed to expect more after this final kick in the teeth. 2 out of 3 have been back. The latest one has been back with her husband a matter of weeks so I’m not sure how that’ll play out – but it’s irrelevant. They don’t get another chance after that point.

We all have to have that line. Mine, yours and everyone else’s should be way before we get replaced by another victim. My line should’ve been 3 years ago before she even did this to me. I realise that now. I shouldn’t tolerate years of emotional abuse and then decide enough’s enough when they’re with another man. The alarms bells rang but I put my fingers in my ears and shouted “la, la, la, laaaaaa!”.

This is something, as a man, that’s hard to take. It’s hard to admit these things. As a man you’re expected to be tough. You shouldn’t be abused. We’re blokes we don’t get abused by women. I hear “just man up” but that’s unhelpful and just wrong. I’m not a weakling. I don’t hide from a fight. I’ve been brought up around confrontation, fighting and boxing and I was always tough enough to survive. I’ve never stood for shit from people and I’ve often defended people I love. I’m physically fit and strong and I don’t get bullied but, when it comes to women, I know how to pick a real star. I’m going to explore what makes me such a target. Am I too soft and kind to these girls? Do they not respect a man who will bend over backwards to make them happy? Do they not respect a man who will try to keep the relationship alive? I know it’s a cheesy well known saying but from experience the nice guy really does finish last.

Here’s the 3 troublesome relationships that have led me to this point:

  1. The violent bitch. This went on from the age of 15 to 19. We met in school and I let her walk all over me, physically hit me and scratch my face, shout at me in the street and really kick start my career as that doormat. When she eventually started sleeping with another lad I was devastated. The pain was unbearable. Then, soon after, I realised I had fuck all in common with this girl anyway. She’s tried to suck me back into her nightmare twice. Once a number of years ago and once again recently. It’s been 11 years, she’s married and she’s messaging me on Facebook telling me she’s been thinking about me a lot. She got told to go away – satisfying.
  2. My daughters mother. This started when I was 20 and followed the same on / off pattern as the last one until I was 25. The only difference here was we’d had a child. Within months of us meeting she was pregnant after she actually told me “I can’t get pregnant, my ex beat me badly and doctors told me I’ll never have kids”. Brilliant. She wasn’t violent but she was a lying cheat. I later discovered that she cheated a few times. So, what happened in the end? She replaced me and I felt devastating pain – again; but I never went back. She tried to get me back a number of times over the years. She’d show up to collect my daughter dolled up with make up on, perfume on and her hair done. She’d be suggestive. I’d be able to tell when her new relationship had failed because the contact would increase and I’d have to make it apparent it was a no go.
  3. The Mindfuck. The fucking Mind-FUCK. The soul rapist, the energy vampire, the unrelenting shape shifting nightmare. We’ve already spoken about this one in my last blog. I met her when I was 26 and I finally found out she replaced me last week. This one is the pick of the bunch. She was by far the coldest, most calculating, lying, double life leading nightmare I’ve known. The other two were bad but they look like Mother Teresa and Mary fucking Poppins compared this one. She drained my soul away. She literally fed on my energy, my kindness and my empathy but she was the victim. Oh yeah, it was me, not her. She always had a reason. She always had an excuse. The difference between the other two and her was that the other 2 felt guilt and revisited objective reality on occasion. This one felt no remorse, never took any responsibility and never EVER said sorry with any sincerity. Number 3 will be the springboard for me sorting myself out. Mindfuck will feature heavily in this blog because she was, by far, the worse human being I’ve ever come into contact with. That’s not me being bitter. That’s me being truthful.

Thank you Mindfuck for shocking me so badly that I had to wake up from my snooze. I was wrapped in a denial blanket and oblivious to the “I love to be fucked over by women” sign flashing above my head.

That sign will be switched off and my new found awareness is going to carry me forwards. I will be unattractive to crazy people. I’ll be surrounded by people who share a common and fair reality. I’ll be happy.

Speak soon.

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